Transformational Journey of Lotus...


This is a reflection of a 13 year journey with a very deep part of myself that I love very much. My journey with this part of myself is at a different stage however, it will never end.  I will always love this reflection of me forever.  It will always be there to teach me and help me grow.

Our meeting ignited something in me that I needed.  Something that was necessary in order for me to truly grow and transform into the person that I am today.  Had that never happened how would I have learned the lessons that my soul was seeking?

Any relationship that you have is only a relationship with another part of yourself.  Be that with your mates, coworkers, children, even nature.  It all reflects you because we are all one.  I knew this concept mentally but, it took a while to see that. I have had alot of great teachers along the way to help me come to that revelation.

My journey with this other part of myself caused alot of pain. A lot of pain that I am still processing and healing from at this moment however, I am very thankful for having that part to show me where my pain is.  That part of myself is not the cause of my pain.  I can not blame that part of myself for creating something that was already in me.  My reflection only helped me to see it more clearly.  This part of my self took me through numerous challenges and and some of them repeated to me over, and over and over again. I kept asking the universe why is this happening why do I have to kept going through this?

Then I remembered...Your life will keep repeating itself until you learn the lesson.  So I had to decide if I wanted to kept seeing this reflection or did I truly want to change?  One of my hardest lessons was that of betrayal.  Intellectually, I knew that I was creating it.  I did not want to look at why.  I knew it was not the other part of my self's fault at all.  So I continued to dig...deeper and deeper I have been digging for the answer to why I would create a part of myself that I love so very much to continue to betray me...why?

Then I got the answer through alot of tears and a very bad headache. Why do I keep creating betrayal?
Because I betray myself. How do I betray myself? Because I compromise instead of following my inner guidance. Why did compromise create betrayal? Because compromise is not authentic. Why is compromise not authentic? Because when you compromise you are usually going along with something out of fear and not because it is something that you want to do. You are not being yourself. Why were you not being yourself? Because I was afraid.

I was afraid that this part of myself would not love me. I was afraid that I would lose this part of myself. I wanted to desperately please this part of myself that I saw in the mirror. I wanted it to love me and to be happy. To praise me. To see me. To hear me. But I missed something....In order for that to happen I have to be ME! My authentic self. Not who I thought others wanted me to be. This part of myself loved me deeply. Always did. However do I love me? How could I expect this part of myself to be authentic if I could not? Why not just be me....

It took 13 years to process that. The number 13 is symbolic of completion, realization, and power. I, in this moment, recognize my power. I see how and why I created this. I am now ready to complete this lesson and not experience it again. I realize that in order to change that part of myself I have to do it for me and no other reason. I am so thankful for this reflection because without it I would have never been able to see these things. It would be like wandering around in the dark with no light. I am thankful for this part of me for providing me with this light. Now I see...the journey of Lotus beginnings with me being me.

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