AS A young girl I often wondered what I would become when I grew up. I remember childhood games where we assumed adult roles such as doctors, patients, mamas and papas.
It was fun because we were imitating what we saw around us at that time. Now, it’s all a faded memory.
Today, I am a grown woman, and am shocked, like most women, at the fact that when most men look at me, I somehow get this creepy feeling they only see a vagina and a face. It’s just the drool in their look filled with sexual connotations that creeps up my spine.
No matter how high I have climbed the professional ladder, there is still no way of making sure that I don’t get regarded as a sexual object ever ready to fulfill men’s lustful desires. Let’s face it, for most men, looking at women as if they were merely buttocks, boobs, vaginas and faces is like a pastime that they get away with everyday.
The patriarchal system not only represses women through its culture-traditional practices but through sanctioning men to always perceive women through the lens of sex. That could explain why the pornography industry thrives so much where men’s exploits over women are a key feature. But, I digress.
Honestly, if I had a choice, I would lock up my face, buttocks, boobs and vagina in a secret closet to free myself from the undesired attention that they attract from men. When men ogle at me, I feel stripped to the bone marrow and reduced to a walking thing with my humanity torn apart. And all just because I am a woman living among males who have no sense of shame about how they treat women like pieces of meat to be devoured at any go.
In my opinion, a new age type of harassment that most women do not even regard as a violation of their essential human rights is seriously on the increase especially in professional circles. I think of it as white collar male pervesion. While most men now shun from direct physical violence they’re guilty of stripping women of their dignity with their eyes and other non-verbal cues. Most men feel that they can regard any woman as a potential sex partner to salivate over. Through whistles, winks, stares and other types of non-verbal and non-violent actions, men are getting away with invading women’s private space.
Some common forms of unwanted male attention include:
- edging close, touching or groping mainly in public places
- wolf whistles (which women in some countries consider flattering), hissing, clicking
- overt staring and leering
- untoward affection – an arm around you, a ‘close’ hug, a kiss, a pat on the bum
- personal questions that have sexual innuendos
- inappropriate comments about how you look, what you think, and
- and anything beyond
The feeling of being regarded as a walking vagina and face in spite of my achievements, intelligence, passion and vigor pushed me to an edge that I looked for women with similar experiences. From their stories, it is quite clear that it is very difficult to hold men to account when they treat you as if you are a vagina and face, ready to be taken to bed.
In fact, most women who tried to report on men in the workplace lost their cases because there was no physical abuse, molestation or touching which made the case weak. The unwanted attention from men with clear sexual connotations is regarded as innocuous to warrant any remedial action.
There are many ways to violate a woman’s body, and unless society wakes up, efforts to address gender violence will be in vain.
Take, for example, a friend Lisa (not her real name) told me that her manager approached her desk and licked his lips suggestively.
“I would like to insert my stiffy into your box to get that document I asked for earlier. For you safety, I am clean in case you think I might have a virus,” he said.
Lisa was so dumbstruck and offended, she said, that she just walked away. Later on, she asked him not to speak to her in that manner again. But it only got worse as the manager made weird hand gestures, groping his private parts and telling her that she could have it all. Lisa said that she lodged a complaint with the leadership at her organization, unfortunately, mostly male. She was informed that she did indeed have a pretty face and what else would she expect but to get such comments.
Laws in most countries are silent on unwanted male attention on women. If not confronted by the affected woman, unwanted male attention can seed dire consequences such as rape.
In another example, Tendai (not her real name) also had a manager who offered sexual favours. The manager constantly told Tendai that she had such a pretty face and that she was a full woman whom he would love to handle in his bedroom. It is clear from the comments that he simply regarded Lisa as a vagina and a face to be exploited for purposes of satisfying his sexual ego.
In some cases, even boardroom comments are pregnant with subtle stereotypes. Sadly, it is very difficult to bring such cases to book. However, women need to stand up and face up to these male perverts.
Women are so much more than just a vagina and a pretty face. We are leaders with our own rights. We are human beings with a humanity within us that needs to be respected and honoured. We are not merely vaginas and face put on earth to pleasure men.
About the Author
Glenda Muzenda-Raftopoulos writes widely on gender justice, human rights, women’s rights, democracy, and sexuality, and contributes frequently to both print and online media outlets in Southern Africa. She maintains a blog: www.theWomynSpeak.com. Glenda is a 2010 Human Right Advocate with Columbia University. Email: thewomynspeak@gmail.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment